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Since 1986
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Linda and Bob Reeder
Making the Move
to St. Louis
Easy on the Kids
Moving from one house to another is seldom easy and fun
for adults, and it can be especially troubling for the children. But if
parents deal with their children's concerns and needs thoughtfully, much of
that distress and discomfort can be avoided. Children see moves differently
than their parents do, and they benefit much less from the change in their
comfortable routines, or so it seems at the time. Most often, a change in
houses or communities heralds an important step forward for the adult
members of the family. The family moves because Daddy or Mommy has a great
new job or a promotion in reward for years of hard work.
They move because financial success has allowed the purchase of a bigger and
nicer house in a more costly neighborhood. They move because they can
finally afford private bedrooms for each child and perhaps a pool in the
back yard. In the 2000's, mobile and hard striving people typically live in
a house for about four years and then move on as their careers or fortunes
allow. That short time span is only a small percentage of the life-to-date
for a 30 or 40 year old, but the same four years is half the life-time of an
8 year old, and it includes almost all the years he or she can remember. To
a parent, this house may be only the place they have lived recently. They
think of it as a way station on the road of life. To kids, however, it may
be the only home they have ever really known. This is their house, the place
they feel safe and comfortable and thoroughly at home. A house is much more
than a roof and walls to a child. It is the center of his or her world. A
move threatens to take that sphere away and leave something totally strange
in its place.
The familiar friends, schools, shops and theaters, the streets, trees and
parks - all will no longer exist for them.
Everything soon will be strange, and they will live in someone else's world.
The impact of a move on a typical child starts about the time he or she
first hears that Mommy or Daddy has accepted a promotion, and often continues for
about a year, until the new house becomes home, and memories of the previous
place fade. It's not usually necessary to announce this big change to
children immediately, although they must hear about it from you before
someone else breaks the news. Most teenagers see themselves as adult members
of the family, and will probably feel they have been left out if they don't
hear everything from the first day. But it is probably not a good idea to
tell toddlers and preschoolers until they have to know. There is no point in
making them worry far in advance. Be sure to announce the move in a totally
positive way.
You might say how proud you are that Mommy's or Daddy's company has chosen him/her out of
many other employees to manage a new office in St. Louis. Talk about what a
beautiful city St. Louis is, how good the schools, are and how nice the
people are. Tell truthful, but very positive, stories about how nice the new
house will be. Ask them what the favorite things are in their lives now, and
then try to make them happen in the new home. If the new home is too far
away to allow a visit by the entire family after it has been selected, show
the children pictures of it from every angle.
Videotape it, if you can.
Emphasize the positive views and be sure to include pictures of each child's
new room. Try to name the house with some romantic description like "Oak
Hill" for the big trees and the sloping lawn.
Sugar coating will help, but since children can quickly see the negative
sides of most situations, every parent must plan to deal with their
children's worries, fears and sorrows. The children will lose friends they
may have known all their lives. They will leave behind their sports teams,
their clubs, and their dancing teachers.
They will have to start over in a new place, making friends, becoming
accepted and fitting into different groups. Younger children need protection
from fear of the unknown.
Listen carefully to their concerns, and respond quickly to allay their
apprehensions. It would be normal, for instance, for a young child to worry
that his or her toy box and shelf of stuffed animals might be left behind.
Find those anxieties and correct them.
Probably the best tactic is to get the children actively involved in the
whole process. Don't just promise to let them decorate their own rooms, for
example. Take them to the paint store and let them bring home color
swatches. Shop for bed spreads and towels and carpets. They must leave old
friends behind, so find ways to make that parting almost pleasant. Plan a
going-away party and let them invite their own guests. Take pictures of
everyone and make a photo album. If a child is old enough, send him or her
out with a roll of film in the camera and the assignment to photograph the
views they will want to remember. Some relationships will be extremely
difficult to break and these will demand careful, thoughtful, personalized
planning by both parents. How, for instance, do you move a 17-year-old 1,000
miles from her steady boyfriend?
Expect that your children may be even more distressed after the move than
they were before it. The new house will not be beautiful the night after the
moving van leaves, or for months after. The furniture won't fit the rooms.
The curtains won't be up, and every spot on the floor will be covered with
half-unpacked cartons. The children won't know anyone at school and, if you
move during the summer, they may have little opportunity to meet anyone
their age. You may be faced with many more problems in your new community
that they will, but remember that you can handle them more easily than they
can. They will need your help, and you should plan to give them the support
they need. After the move, give each of them a long distance telephone call
allowance so they can keep in touch with the people back home who matter the
most to them. Buy a stack of picture postcards that show positive views of
your new community, and encourage them to write good news messages to the
friends and relatives they left behind. To make new friends, make sure the
children don't vegetate in front of the television. Get them outside, where
neighbors pass by. Have them pass out fliers to do baby-sitting or car
washing. Encourage them to participate in as many school activities as they
can handle. Get them on sports teams and into clubs. If they - and you -
aren't making new friends fast enough, throw a housewarming party for
yourselves and invite all the adults and children on the block. If serious
emotional or attitudinal problems arise, however, help is usually available
and probably should be sought. Ask a teacher for help. Consider professional
counseling. Don't let a serious problem slide. Remember that the newness
will wear off. New friends will become old friends and best friends.
This new house may become the family homestead your grandchildren will visit
every holiday season. There will be discomforts, but in the long run,
everything will work out fine.
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Linda and Bob Reeder provide St. Louis Missouri real estate information and resources in order to assist home owners and home buyers with the process of buying and/or selling their St. Louis home or other residential real estate (house, condo or other property in St. Louis MO). Linda and Bob Reeder are top St. Louis real estate agents and will assist you in getting the best value for your purchase or sale of a St. Louis MO home. Their on-line services include free search of the St. Louis area (includes St. Louis MO homes - St. Louis houses and St. Louis condos) Multiple Listing Service (MLS) with NO REGISTRATION, Email updates on new listings as they become available, and more. They provide you the information to help you learn more about St. Louis condominiums, St. Louis houses, and other St. Louis MO real estate. Bob Reeder is a Graduate, REALTOR Institute (GRI). Linda Reeder is also a GRI and is designated a Certified Residential Specialist (CRS) and Coldwell Banker University Graduate (CBU). Additionally, Linda Reeder is also an Accredited Buyer's Representative (ABR). When you want a top St. Louis REALTOR, Linda and Bob are your best choice. Linda and Bob can help you obtain financial services, professional building inspections, assist you in maximizing your relocation benefits, advise you on how to prepare your home for sale to maximize your selling price, and make your St. Louis home buying or St. Louis home selling process go smoothly and successfully. When you need a Realtor in St. Louis MO, call us. Linda & Bob
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